The Stars and the Cookie Jar

I do read this page, and lo, muchly does it entertain. But right now my body has decided to Heal By Sleeping. A Lot. So... I make vague monkey-noises toward the internet sometimes, but not usually.

Also, I want a pair of blue woollen clogs. I have decided this. Since work shoes are required to be a) leather and b) black or brown, the odds of me acquiring same are not good. Helas.

There is one thing in my life that is always amusing: my job. To wit, I share with you some custie/work gems. They're like TA moments, only you have no hope of improving or redeeming a custie.

1. That is not the biggest give-a-penny-take-a-penny cup ever, h0r.
2. Whipped cream? On a soy beverage? Lady, you just emphasised how much it had  to be soy, had to be, because you're allergic to milk.
3. It's. Decaf. It's also skim. Which is Nonfat. Nonfat means skim. And it's decaf. And it's sugar-free-hazelnut. And it's decaf. And it's -- whups, did I spill that?
4. Eee, I'm sorry your ickle darling just  knocked a grande Java Chip all down her white overalls, while having a shrieking temper tantrum in my store, because dude. That stuff? Never comes out. Nehvar. This stain on my own particular shirt, ma'am, is from 2001. No! No, I'm not laughing at you!
5. Sing along with me. "Iced venti nonfat extra-caramel macchiato." "Large skinny caramel mochaccino, with extra sauce, iced!" does not lend itself well to you getting your drink from me.
6. Yes, I am the manager. Yes. Three years. No. Sorry. There is no one else you can talk to. Nuh-uh. Yes, I know I'm a young lady. Mhm. This is Corporate's number, and this is my card. Looky, they give me cards. Now feck off out of my store, because I am not giving you a $700 espresso machine for free.

And lastly:

   7.   When you finish with your very important cellular-telephone conversation, sir, I will be happy to turn off these grinders, stop using the blenders to crush ice, finish reciting the Periodic Table in Yiddish, and make your drink.