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selkie at 04:25pm on 26/12/2005
selkie at 04:25pm on 26/12/2005Okay. So it took her four days, but my mother in law finally pissed me off but good.
MIL: Are you going to learn to drive?
Me: No.
MIL: Well, why not?
Me: I've spent close to $8200 trying to fulfill the learn-to-drive requirements in Massachusetts, where I got my permit, since I was sixteen. I've taken road tests five times and never passed. [Not mentioned, but worth reckoning, are the two cars I smashed beyond general recognition trying to learn to drive - one into a Lally column, and one into the guard barrels of an off ramp]
MIL: (witheringly) But that makes N do all the driving.
Yes, lady, I am fucking degenerate and sit off in a corner drooling and spasming quietly to myself, and therefore, when your daughter has finished dabbing my chin with my bib, she will have to drive us home. I am just so imbecilic that I cannot drive. Never mind that really, you and your mailbox and your tree and your lamppost and your telephone-pole are happier that way.
Goddamn it. So angry. You didn't hear her voice, her smarmy, disbelieving, patronising voice.
MIL: Are you going to learn to drive?
Me: No.
MIL: Well, why not?
Me: I've spent close to $8200 trying to fulfill the learn-to-drive requirements in Massachusetts, where I got my permit, since I was sixteen. I've taken road tests five times and never passed. [Not mentioned, but worth reckoning, are the two cars I smashed beyond general recognition trying to learn to drive - one into a Lally column, and one into the guard barrels of an off ramp]
MIL: (witheringly) But that makes N do all the driving.
Yes, lady, I am fucking degenerate and sit off in a corner drooling and spasming quietly to myself, and therefore, when your daughter has finished dabbing my chin with my bib, she will have to drive us home. I am just so imbecilic that I cannot drive. Never mind that really, you and your mailbox and your tree and your lamppost and your telephone-pole are happier that way.
Goddamn it. So angry. You didn't hear her voice, her smarmy, disbelieving, patronising voice.
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