Hmmmm. [The Stars and the Cookie Jar]

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So...

Will today be awkward, or fucking awkward?
Yesterday there was a certain degree of autonomy; today I'm pretty much at the mercy of people who, you know, in addition to grieving their private griefs, don't actually fucking like me.

This promises to be lots of spiffy fun.

ETA: I an stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who hate me and a fiancee who'd rather RP. With anyone! For any length of time! No emotions except in RP! No human contact except in RP!

*slits own wrists with edge of laptop*

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There are 7 comments on this entry. (Reply.)

Well, it will be awkward, but you're there to be a support for your spouse, and that's the most important part. You're exactly where you should be, fuck those who disagree.

Also I don't get it: what's not to like about you? You're lovely! *sends much love and hugs to the both of you*

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Yes, but my spouse is disconnecting herself as a way to deal with her grief, fanning the flames with her mother and more interested in playing pretend with a fictional character than actually spending time with puny humans. I can't take it much longer. She staaaaaares at the computer and leaves me to... whatever.

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*hugs* uh, I'm on if you want to come talk to me?

You know, in my experience, no-one can really help with grief. It's up to the person who grieves to try and find outlets and coping mechanisms, and please trust me, I know how frustrating this is for the spouse who doesn't particularly grieve, and would bloody like to help or be included in whatever is going on, but is being shut out instead.

*hugs* Ping me?

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I would, but we're supposed to be headed out to do stuff with her family. We'd have left with them, but she said she wanted to spend time with me, which was music to my ears except we didn't, exactly. And it just plays into the fear I've always had that she loves her pretty pretty computer more than she loves me, because she goes to it for comfort and not me. I'm having computer rage.

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*nods* I do that too, sometimes, and it drives Gilles utterly batshit. But it's basically a coping mechanism that allows you to minimally engage your brain and be -- well, be by yourself, actually.

It doesn't mean that she loves the computer more than she loves you -- I certainly don't love the computer more than I love Gilles (although he often threatens to throw the computer out of the window, too). But when in need of the sort of comfort I can only get from myself, you'll find me sitting here, in front of the computer.

*sighs* grief is a lonely experience, you know? Well, I know you do. And -- trust me, I completely understand how insecure and unhappy that makes you feel, but right now I don't think anyone can give her comfort, you know? It's the numbing, leave-this-world-behind effect she's after, I would say. Don't let it get to you (yes, easier said than done, I know *hugs* I'm sorry.)

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Oh dear.

*hugs a great deal*

Unfortunately, I have very little helpful to say beyond that. Grief sucks. Grief in people you love sucks just as much.

...And in-laws are, um. In-laws, and I don't have much more to go with beyond that, but. *hugs more*

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[hugs]

It sounds as if your GF is going somewhere "not real" to escape what's going on, which would make you the source of real comfort. Once the numbing shock point is past, I'm betting you'll have your hands full.

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The Stars and the Cookie Jar

Hmmmm.

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February