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selkie: (raissa)
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Nooooooo!

posted by [personal profile] selkie at 12:13am on 24/04/2004

"If nothing else, Helen has to be beautiful."

Okay, this film Troy, it can't go on. It can't. Never mind that the digital triremes and quinquiremes and googleremes look faux. Never mind Eric Bana  (HECTOR SMASH!). Never mind that Brad Pitt is present onscreen doing something like a British accent (the Akhaians are furriners; let's make 'em talk funny!)

The problem, my friends, is this. Helen is not hot.

Screw the clothing anachronisms ("Cocktail dress!") and the physique ("Flapper was not in!") .... she just has a damn uninteresting face. If you're going to fight the Really First World War over a woman, she had better look like... something. I have known women for whom I'd go to war, and yergh, that ain't it.

So, indulge me. Post a comment with your answer!

  • a) I am so going to see the movie. Brad Pitt!
  • b) I am going to see the movie, but only to mock it.
  • c) I am going to see the movie, but will have to be restrained at some point during the screening, and not in a good way.
  • d) I am going to see the movie, to shout "Kiss! Kiss, already, awww, just kiss him, dammit!" whenever Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom share screenage.
  • e) I am not going to see the movie, but mostly because I don't have time.
  • f) Very large wooden horses would not drag me to this movie.
  • g) Poseidon the mighty could poke me with his pointy wave-sundering trident and I would not see this movie. Ow!

*All text in quotes, Irate House Classicist. They are so useful, really, everyone should keep one.... 

Mood:: 'bitchy' bitchy
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There are 4 comments on this entry. (Reply.)
 

(no subject)

posted by [identity profile] shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com at 09:30am on 25/04/2004
I'm going with F. If Poseidon tells me to go, I'll go. I doubt he would, though, since they've edited all deities out of the story. He's probably more pissed than Sonya.

I've never really had a picture in my head of Helen, but she's certainly less waif-like and more . . . um . . . Greek. Must we impose the blond-over-blue ideal on every single friggin' race and culture? I'm waiting for a biopic about Shaka Zulu, Mrs. Shaka played by Gwyneth Paltrow.

I actually think the trailer shot with the Akhaian fleet looks kinda cool, however digital it may be.
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(no subject)

posted by (anonymous) at 01:35pm on 25/04/2004
Actually, given that the entire Achilles/Patroklos storyline seems to have been severely reworked if not entirely edited out, Poseidon may have to take a number and get in line.

I am amused by the idea of Helen of Troy as designed by Billy Joel, however . . .
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(no subject)

posted by [identity profile] strange-selkie.livejournal.com at 06:34pm on 25/04/2004
....Pity about Patroklos. Considering. And how can there be a movie about the Trojan War with no deities in it???
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ext_27060: Sumer is icomen in; llude sing cucu! (Default)

(no subject)

posted by [identity profile] rymenhild.livejournal.com at 11:06am on 26/04/2004
Edited out? Achilles/Patroklos? Clearly, large wooden horses could not drag me to this film.
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