The Stars and the Cookie Jar

I learned to hit a ball with a stick this afternoon.

I have developed a System:

Wife: *gently throws out a lazy pitch of the ol' Whiffle special*

Aaaugh it's coming at my head my HEAD it's gonna hit my EYE have to hit it have to hit it AWAY from my EYE and my HEAD..... thwap.

*watch ball sail away*

Oooh. I hit the BALL.

So apparently I am quite good for a rank beginner at hitting The Ball with The Bat, but it all comes down to the fact that I don't want to do myself an injury. I suck at hitting the ball off the tee that my wife bought for me, for the simple reason that a ball sitting on a tee is not doing anything to me and poses no threat. So I flail at it and it all looks rather ridiculously like golf.

But if the ball is coming at my head, I lift the bat, perform precise technical equations of the ratio of Whiffle to AUGH times speed times time, and more or less swing in a non-flailing manner and eight times out of ten connected with the ball.

YAY BASEBALL, THE GREAT AMERICAN SELKIE PASTIME.