The Stars and the Cookie Jar

So in her absence I cleaned the bedroom, changed the sheets and turned the mattress, made myself a meatloaf sandwich and had a slice of Heather Pie. I think I will post the recipe for Heather Pie later.

Meanwhile, attend the tale of Wow, there must be a sign on my forehead saying HI STRANGER! TALK TO ME!

So we went to Shoppers Food Mart, as you do when you need two weeks of groceries and you have, like, $80. In the baking/staples aisle, a woman stopped me and asked where to find red cooking wine. She had a bottle of that horrible salty 'cooking sherry' in her hand. I said I didn't know where to find the 'cooking wines', but that I wouldn't cook with something I wouldn't drink, and she'd be better off getting a bottle of Yellow Tail merlot. She looked incredibly surprised. 'Real wine? Really? For cooking?'

And I sent her on her way, and continued down to the spice aisle to get chili powder and cumin.
There, trying to find something, was a very gay man in a very Hawaiian shirt. He stopped us and said 'Excuse me, do you ladies know where to find sot- sawt - s a u t e r n e s?"

So I told him Sauternes was a wine, not a spice, kind of pricey, and not to be found in Shoppers Food Mart. Then I asked, 'What are you making with it -- foie gras?'

'Oh! No! A pork roast.'

*internal mental process: pork roast with sauternes?*

'It's got apple jelly and onion and garlic and thyme and marjoram and this sauternes, and you make, like, a glaze...'

*IMP: apple jelly and sauternes?*

'You probably won't find Sauternes here, but if it's going into a glaze with apple jelly, and you don't want to spend a lot of money and you don't want to make another stop--'

- He nodded -

'Then I would just mix a decent white wine with some honey.'

'How much honey, honey?'

'To taste,' I said, and smiled and wriggled away.

Two aisles later, he came bouncing up to our cart, [He stalked me! He followed me! Like a lamb! A stalkery lamb!] holding up a bottle of cabernet sauvignon and beaming. He turned the bottle for my approval, beamed some more, and when I nodded, he turned and bounced away.

...Apparently something in my eyes says Chef/sommelier, willing to pontificate publicly.