The Stars and the Cookie Jar

As long as I have been able to read, there has been Ursula K. LeGuin. Ushula K. LeGuin, peese, if you caught me at the right age. Since there have been books on my shelf, in my mind I have gone to Earthsea. From Ged of Gont to Ogion and Roke and Jasper and the dragons, the terrible clever malevolent hungry dazzling golden dragons, and the Land of the Dead, and Atuan... I can conjure the Archipelago in my head. It's like Narnia, or Never-Never Land, but I liked LeGuin better because her worlds were grittier and more terrifying and her magics had rules. (This is the same reason I adored The Dark Is Rising et al.)

And someone could have made a really staggering, giant, waves-crashing-on-the-tiny-islands and dragons-glittering-in-their-bone-filled-lairs bigscreen version of the Earthsea pentameron. Peter Jackson has proven that well-executed fantasy does sell.

So WTF with Sci-Fi and the worst miniseries ever?

No, no, I grant you, the sets are great. The visuals are pretty grand. But the cast is wooden -- see Isabella Rosselini chew on her accent! -- the script is so, so, so bad ("I traded the sunlight for the shadow, Vetch; I gambled for power and this is where I am. Which is fine...") and the dragons? OMG please not to be starting on the Komodo BrandTM Dragon Substitutes, Provided By Acme Godzilla Manufacturing, Inc. A dragon, for credibility, requires certain things. Red tinfoil eyes are not on the list.

I'm afraid I won't make it to the White Towers of Havnor without sporking my eyes out.

I was looking forward to this miniseries. I was! The last time I asserted my right to watch the TV, for the record, was when Discovery Channel aired Raising the Mammoth. How many presidential elections ago was that?

....You know what's good? Vetch is good, in his dinky little boat, trailing after Ged with a gentle, dim, supportive expression. That's good. It's the entire rest of the Archipelago that can't act.


Wah.