The Stars and the Cookie Jar

ODYSSEUS: STOP RUNNING RIGHT UP TO THE ARCHERS, YOU MORONS!

They will mock this movie for thousands of ... well, days, but hey, still.

 

You're Roots!
by Alex Haley
While almost everyone agrees that you're brilliant, no one knows quite how to categorize you. Some say that you're a person with an amazing family tree. Some say that you're just a darn good storyteller. Others say that you're both and don't much care where to draw the line. What is known is that your people have been through a great number of trials and that you are where you are because of hard work. You have nothing to lose but your chains.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Firstly, up with Massachusetts! Go, Commonwealth! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! ("I think that's sick," says the woman in the shell-pink suit ordering a triple venti nonfat caramel macchiato while ruffling through the local paper. The selkie quietly prepares, for her bigoted delectation, a triple venti decaff sugar-free-vanilla caramel macchiato with half-and-half cream for nonfat milk. Ahh, the terrible taste of revenge.) /cheers

Because it beats heck out of laundry, dishes and trash...

Gacked from daegaer .

1. Take five books off your bookshelf.
2. Book #1 -- first sentence
3. Book #2 -- last sentence on page fifty
4. Book #3 -- second sentence on page one hundred
5. Book #4 -- next to the last sentence on page one hundred fifty
6. Book #5 -- final sentence of the book
7. Make the five sentences into a paragraph:

On an evening in the latter part of May a middle-aged man was walking homeward from Shaston to the village of Marlott, in the adjoining Vale of Blakemore, or Blackmoor. The Scoucher took a step back, puzzled, but otherwise seemed unharmed as the medal slid down its chest. There was a glimmering, glittering sheen on the water of the harbour, and Jane saw that over her head the moon had floated free of clouds. "We are horribly afraid, but we are coming with you -- or following you like hounds." This place was never meant for human beings.

[Scarily enough, for being at random, that didn't turn out too badly. I have often thought much of Thomas Hardy's universe wasn't meant for human beings.]

1. Tess of the d'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
2. Grim Tuesday, Garth Nix
3. Greenwitch, Susan Cooper
4. The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R Tolkien (Ballantine 1965 ed.)
5. The Steerswoman's Road, Rosemary Kirstein

Instead of just mocking Troy, we have decided to be proactive.

Buckle up.

The Iliad

Directed by Peter Jackson

Adapted by the House Classicist (we were going to have it adapted by the House Atreus, but the phone just kept ringing and ringing and then we got the machine... 'Hi! This is the King of Kings. I'm in the bath right now...")

Starring

• Viggo Mortensen as Akhilles
• Orlando Bloom as Patroklos
• Sean Bean as Odysseus
• David Wenham as Menelaos
• Rebecca Romijn as Helen
• Colin Farrell as Paris
• Eric Bana as Hector
• Tilda Swinton as Andromache
• Brian Blessed as Priam
• Stockard Channing as Hekabe
• Mischa Barton as Briseis
• Anna Paquin as Kassandra
• Alan Rickman as Hephaistos
• Hugo Weaving as Hades
• Kenneth Branagh as Ares
• Dougray Scott as Poseidon
• Paul Bettany as Apollo
• Lindsay Lohan as Artemis
• Hilary Swank as Athene
• Dame Judi Dench as Hera

Still searching for Zeus (and his son Sarpedon), Aphrodite (and her son Aeneas), Little Aiax, Bigger Aiax, and half-a-dozen Myrmidons, not to mention Agamemnon, Lord of Men; Thetis, Akhilles' mommy; and Astyanax.

Chime in!

With thanks for the pleasant, dignity-assuaging hour to The Classicist. (You only need one, really, but you're best off according them the honor of caps... They bite.)