Instead of just mocking Troy, we have decided to be proactive.
Buckle up.
The Iliad
Directed by Peter Jackson
Adapted by the House Classicist (we were going to have it adapted by the House Atreus, but the phone just kept ringing and ringing and then we got the machine... 'Hi! This is the King of Kings. I'm in the bath right now...")
Starring
- Viggo Mortensen as Akhilles
- Orlando Bloom as Patroklos
- Sean Bean as Odysseus
- David Wenham as Menelaos
- Rebecca Romijn as Helen
- Colin Farrell as Paris
- Eric Bana as Hector
- Tilda Swinton as Andromache
- Brian Blessed as Priam
- Stockard Channing as Hekabe
- Mischa Barton as Briseis
- Anna Paquin as Kassandra
- Alan Rickman as Hephaistos
- Hugo Weaving as Hades
- Kenneth Branagh as Ares
- Dougray Scott as Poseidon
- Paul Bettany as Apollo
- Lindsay Lohan as Artemis
- Hilary Swank as Athene
- Dame Judi Dench as Hera
Still searching for Zeus (and his son Sarpedon), Aphrodite (and her son Aeneas), Little Aiax, Bigger Aiax, and half-a-dozen Myrmidons, not to mention Agamemnon, Lord of Men; Thetis, Akhilles' mommy; and Astyanax.
Chime in!
With thanks for the pleasant, dignity-assuaging hour to The Classicist. (You only need one, really, but you're best off according them the honor of caps... They bite.)
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Agamemmnon: I keep thinking that a nice action hero would fit for him. Mel Gibson, after all, shares some personality traits with the man. I suspect that Bruce Willis is the better actor. However, I don't know this with any certainty. I try to avoid seeing any movie with either one in it, as I think both are as attractive as bat feces.
Aeneas. I like Aeneas when he is in the Iliad. And he's supposed to be pretty. Do you think Hugh Jackman would work?
I am not going to attempt to think of someone who is supposed to look like Aphrodite.
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